Morning reflection on Ajahn Brahm's story (Good? Bad? Who Knows?)

A long time ago a king was out hunting when he cut his finger. He summoned his doctor, who always accompanied him on the hunt, and the doctor put a bandage over the wound.“Is it going to be all right?” asked the king. “Good? Bad? Who knows?” replied the doctor, and they carried on hunting. By the time they had returned to the palace, the wound had become infected, and so the king summoned his doctor again. The doctor cleaned the wound, carefully applied some ointment, and then bandaged it.“Are you sure it’s going to be okay?” asked the king, becoming concerned. “Good? Bad? Who knows?” replied the doctor again. The king became worried. The king’s worry was confirmed when, in a few days, the finger was so badly infected that the doctor had to amputate it! The king was so furious with his incompetent doctor that he personally escorted him to the dungeon and threw him in a cell. “Well, Doctor, how do you like it, being in jail?” “Being in prison, Sire . . . Good? Bad? Who knows?” replied the doctor with a shrug of his shoulders. “You are insane as well as incompetent!” declared the king and departed. A few weeks later, when the wound had healed, the king was out hunting again. Chasing an animal, he became separated from the others and ended up lost in the forest. Wandering in the woods, he was captured by the indigenous forest people. It was their holy day, and they had found a sacrifice for their jungle god! They tied the king to a large tree, and their priest began chanting and dancing as the forest people sharpened the sacrificial knife. The priest took the blade and was about to cut the king’s throat when he shouted, “Stop! This man has only nine fingers. He is not perfect enough to sacrifice to our god. Set him free.” In a few days, the king found his way back to his palace and went straight to the dungeon to say thank you to the wise doctor. “I thought you were stupid saying all this ‘Good? Bad? Who knows?’ nonsense. Now I know you were right. Losing my finger was good. It saved my life. But it was bad of me to lock you in jail. I’m sorry.” “What do you mean, Sire? Had you not put me in jail, I would have been there with you on the hunt, and I would have been captured too. And I have all my fingers!” Well, just a short personal reflection after reading this story again. Sometimes, we are just too occupied with the quest of searching for happiness (most of the time it would be money, career, family etc etc). When we face difficulties or challenges in life, we tend to take a long time to get ourselves up again. But it is just so true, that things which brings us happiness might not be as good as we want it to be. And, bad things does not mean that it could not benefit/help us in another way.:)

Cognitve and Emotions gone hay wired?

I am in this line now. I observe, analyse and try to heal people's cognitive thinking and their feelings. I met someone special today. Early in the morning after I gobbled down my sausage buns. He came, talked and treat me to tea. I began to have goosebumps after a while for he kept using uncomfortable words while narrating. A little shocked but still, I was calm. He moved on to a higher than normal level of asking that I give him my handphone number. The asking turned into demanding. I gave him a fake one. I thought that I was successful to slip away, but he kept insisting I give him my home address too. I REJECTED in a polite but adamant way. At the same time, I was trying to process all information linked to him. I concluded that perhaps he is currently swept by emotions, that his 3 main areas of psychology was not in balance. Was it pity for him? What was he thinking actually? Why was he acting like that? I came out of the library 2 hours later, to find him waiting for me outside. Either it wasa the library's strong aircond or I was already feeling scared of him. I felt cold and a rush of adrenalin. He asked for my address again, I said I needed to use the ladies. I went to the nearest washroom to seek refuge. Again, he was waiting like a hawk for me outside the washroom. From his explaination earlier of waiting for some Catholic students to following me to a washroom, I felt that this guy perhaps have some inner disturbance. My friend rescued me. I am still in the library, confined to the library now.

I Am Taking A Different Road

When was the last time you got all sad and felt like no one would care for you? That no one would ever give you even a damn look? You would not admit, but it's true for the majority of people out there. They think, they feel, they react but they refuse to admit. To admit that there is a problem. To face it instead of avoiding. I am 23 years old this year. Currently taking a Masters in Counseling Psychology. My aim? Simple. To held out a hand to everyone that needs it. That needs support. That feels as if no one had cared for them. I do. And I care. Though this road is not too easy, I believe with my sincerity to help others, the path would be clear enough for me to see and walk.

Knock, Knock…But it’s not her anymore….

Thursday 2nd July 2009….3more days to go….For the past two years, it was always her that would open the door for me, regardless of any condition, storm, rain, shine….etc..or vice-versa..But then, as if it was already fated, in 3 more days to come, it will no longer be her anymore to answer to my “huai ren” (bad person) call….Sometimes you really call for injustice for certain things that befall you…You suffer the consequences of those irresponsible people, those with no common sense…How brutal ah?......But it was what that happened..at the very least…haih…It was not my fault, I had eventually submitted my whole long kk list to the admin team of the “Apex” university..But somehow, don’t know how, this “brilliant” team accidentally deleted my whole long list…So obviously, and of course with a slight trauma, I had to accept the decision of not getting a place in my old hostel, prompting me to stay outside for the remaining 1 year. Yeah, of course the rent is much more than the hostel rate, double I guess but with the final year project lingering, I could not afford to walk all the way back to RST (the hostel outside our university) every night. This whole head aching episode came one week before my finals 2 months ago… and it has been a horror to me throughout these 2 months..Nevertheless, the worst scenario will be having to live with somebody new..Now who says you are definitely free from culture shock in your final year? I could still remember vividly the first day I met her…It was 30th June 2007..Usual girly kind of ice-breaking ceremony and hence the rest, was a half completed jig-saw puzzle. It was rather funny,thinking back all these while….I had thought that she was a ghost in our room..all because she was wearing a white t-shirt and had visited the washroom on that very first night. We were not that close in our first year.. Sometimes I even felt irritated because she would choose a very untimely moment to preach the Dhamma..She had even asked me to communicate with the ants( fire ants) in our room. Yup, as you can guess, I was like, uhh,ahem…”Communicate with those creatures? DIY- lah” But as the days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, hey, we are the best buddies of all leh…Mutual understanding, candle light dinner together and of course, what we young girls like to do most, pillow talk…She had always “accused” me of teaching her how to be horny..haha..one thing I do not doubt…I can proudly say that she is one understanding and sincere friend…It is really a big and “hard to accept fact” that we will not be staying together anymore for the last one year of our degree study. And I had never ever thought about the possibilities of my kk list being deleted by the admin team…But fate could be cruel sometimes..You have the happiness as well as the suffering…Sometimes you gain, sometimes you loose..Though I acted bravely in front of her, as if nothing will change, could not help it but to sob a few times over this issue while she was fast asleep…I know very well that time could never be turned back or prolonged..In fact, these 2 months passed very quickly… as if to train my emotional intelligence over and over again..Sorry, but to certain extent only, its ok…I am a human afterall..Present a sad drama (does not have to be a Korean drama) and I will go crying out loud over it….Just want to say, I am glad to have piece up half the jig-saw puzzle with you, my dearest…Though it is only half completed, at least we had had the chance to start it from zero…With this memories, let us carry on, on our own…Though we may be far apart after this, somehow our memories will always stay unite and alive..Thanks for the memories, my dear..

When The Adorable Cows Went Grazing…..in the city….

It WAS, but all a common sight when travelling up to the Northern states of Malaysia…. *smirk*…..One could never fail to notice the huge pot bellies of cows grazing happily among the open field of delicious and juicy mouth watering grass….Very well, at least it is the very fact that we have, as for now.…..an enjoyable time out there…FREEZE the time clocking…STUPEFY the rotation of the earth…Heck, silence….numbless….concrete….Then imagine yourself looking out of the windows of your four wheel drive….Image One….three terrifyingly adorable cows coming into eye contact with you…You say hello, they moo-ed back…You showed them your nice perfect set of teeth, they grin the horrendous smile to you….Hahaha…..All they had was a mode of confidence…with a high lean, mean personality..*smirk*….No, it may sound confusing to us or rather a remake of the Walt Disney highly acclaimed “The Barnyard” but the fact is not all “meaty”, at the very least…It was merely a trip to an exhibition in the north…Perlis…Off our seniors and Terick boy went, leaving us in our own bored world for a total of 4 days..Do the Maths and that will be 96 hours…Left to the whole world on our own, we did what we had been told to do….Sounds familiar to Hansel and Gratel? Anyway,to be fair, it was not all that bad….journals were read, medium plates were prepared, cells were spun down despite being very much disgusted with the whole process and the samples for GC were run as well….All was prepared for the arrival of the three, minus the grand royale usual common red carpet and mesmerising fireworks…Hahaha…One have to admit, it was not of much fun without the usual laughter in the lab….After all, life without laughing will make you feel doomed and muscle tight around the mouth area…It is like that most of time…Whenever the thing is there, we never really appreciate and have a feeling of gratitude towards them…Only when they sort of went missing, even for 4 days, you start to feel how much their presence is worth it….Nah, do not get me wrong…. I’m not merely worshipping them three….Just had to adapt to a life of a lone ranger’s world for these 4 days….Perhaps the most un-tolerable event that happened was the time when I had to spin down the cells from the fermentation thing…All was well until you caught sight of the drooling mucus-like ‘tau fu fah’ that is rotten for like weeks…Accompanying it was the “enhanced” smell of rotten eggs plus a thick concentration of NH3…haha….no more sarcastic remarks to be made…No more counter attack and so on so for……Now that they are back, it is certainly a continuous road of fun plus laughter.. After all, at the end of the day, “Laughter is certainly the best medicine.”

Sahara desert, the essence of being "hot"

Sahara desert. Little rain, low humidity and high in temperature. A little resemblance to Lab 409 until last Tuesday. The el- Nino season was finally taken over. Winter came and 14 homosapiens finally heaved a sigh of relief. Phew and wow were the two super popular words in which they had continually mentioned throughout the week. Even the microorganisms seem to be toasting towards the new found happiness. Rec PHB-4 Usm 2 entered its “overgrown” phase at 22.5 hours instead of the usual 24 hours. Wonder, wonder. Wonder what was the fuss all about? Haha…the story goes like this. During my industrial training in a research lab, be it full of people or not, we just had to endure the hot and stuffy season due to the low maintenance of the air conditioners. Since the centre of attraction of our lab is the gas chromatography machine, whenever any samples were run, we were often seen drowsy and polar-bearish…Refer to King Wey especially…HahA..It is always a known fact that each and every research officer suppose to be donning a lab coat for safety purpose…Instead, the sight of lab coats were “never seen before” in our lab. It was simply just too hot. Nothing else. Either we don not the lab coats and risk getting our clothes stained or we don the lab coats and risk ourselves fainting in the lab…What would it be for you? Perhaps it wasn’t until the extent of signing petition or having a peaceful demo but we needed to work hard too. Letters after letters were signed and approved..Purchase order were sent to the supplier but they responded by testing our patience in return…No man power. No stock…and the rest was history….14 homosapiens waited day after day..They moaned, grumbled and had the polar- bearish look…But they were determined. And finally, voila… their patience were paid off. Two brand new Panasonic air- conditioners arrived and after that, the all polar- bearish looks were seen no more….10000 B.C

"Us" in the world......

Shocked and beyond words of affinity. The best illustration that can somehow be compared to the cup of thoughts I had exactly 7 days ago. As I slowly scrolled down the pages one after another, I got all soaked up and the nauseating feeling was somehow felt..Ah…. No, it was not any disgusting sight or smell…Only, I had came across a lovely, heart warming blog which belongs to a senior of mine..Never did I realise before that he live a difficult and complicating life...Death, sickness, hardship and so on no longer a stranger for him..It was quite heart wrenching to read about it…Many times, whenever we fall again and again into the whirlpool of suffering we protested and imagined how life would be for us if it is always problem free.. We went haywire, condemning each and everything that went our way..We asked for justice and even hoped that our rotten karma will be over soon..The list goes on, as we either get a grip of ourselves and break the fall by standing up again, or in another case, if we are not determined enough, perhaps we will fall deep into the ravine of depression..The human realm is not really way different from the other realms..Though we may possess higher level of intelligence, we are still not free from sufferings..such as death, old age, sickness and birth….But we always have a choice…to climb up the ravine and be a survivor or to give up and die of hunger in the ravine…There is always the choice….One reasonable analogy that I have heard so far would be this…Human’s life is just like the open ocean..We have the waves hitting every now and then. As the waves hit high, that is when we are bombarded with extremely happy and satisfying feeling..Unfortunately, we always tend to forget that those waves, after reaching its highest peak of point might tend to hit the lowest surface of the ocean floor as well.. That will be when life becomes problematic to us and when we feel that there is no justice in this world..Am I right? The key point would be this..We should be a GOOD SURFER and surf through the waves..sense of equanimity….. Dear senior, I pray that you will always be well and happy. May the force be with you always.